Obviously this is a place for me to primarily talk about dance, but lately there has been a lot happening in my life's other facets. I'm entering a time of transition, a time of discovery. As you may know, I'll be graduation soon (May 14th, to be exact), and that brings with it the inevitable arrival of what I keep hearing is called "the real world" (check out an old friend of mine who offered her interesting take on what exactly the "real world" might be).
It's time to get a "real job" and start making "real money" so I can join all the other adults on the planet in the "real world." Now, I'm not going to start contemplating the meaning of all this realness or criticize society for making it this way. I want all those things. I want to make a decent living, I want to have a full-time job that challenges me and fulfills my desire to contribute to something larger than myself, and I want to feel successful. I'm beginning to realize that getting there will be the hard part.
Especially, when trying to balance a dance career.
I'm part of a small company and none of us expect to get paid for dancing. We're just happy to have the opportunities to perform that we do and a place that facilitates and nourishes our passion for movement. But let's do the math here, people. If I plunged into the 9am-5pm of "regular" work hours, there's no way I could make the Monday/Friday 4:30pm technique class, and I would be late for the Tuesday/Thursday 5:15pm class. I couldn't sustain it all and expect to keep my abilities where they are or be able to work at a competitive level with my fellow dancers. It just couldn't happen.
So, yeah, I'm kind of at that crossroads. The in-between phase where the next direction to take is just an obscure mark on a tree to me in the forest that is my life. The hike grows tiresome.
I was taking a survey about insurance coverage last night and one of the questions was (I'm paraphrasing): On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best possible quality of life for you and 1 being the worst, how do you feel about your life?
I was on the phone with my fiance at the time and at first, I wasn't sure what to answer. I have a roof over my head, good food to eat, nice clothes, a wonderful family that helps me and supports me -- and that was just it. Because I'm not making my own money and covering all my expenses and living on my own, I've started to think that reality is a form of failure for me. I don't have any idea where my life is headed and not knowing where I'll be or what I'll be doing in six months is terrifying. To this, my level-headed and far-more-rational other half responded,